01 Feb Dear Wife, There are Some Things You Will Never Realize
You may not have noticed, but the day you walked into the coffee shop I worked at, everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at you for a quick second. You had a pair of blue headphones around your neck and the pink scarf around your neck made you seem just that much cuter. You may not have noticed, but it felt like every cell in my body was melting while you told me your order or how, when you smiled, I lost the feeling in my knees. That is why I fell a little while walking towards the machine to make your coffee. You gave me a small smile and laughed, not in a teasing way, but in a way that made me feel like you thought I had a chance with winning you over.
When you left me you left the coffee shop with three other people, I thought I lost my chance with you. You can understand how surprised I was when you asked me out on a date when I saw you walking around our town with the same three people.
From the first date that we went on, I knew I was in love with you. The soft look in your eyes made me feel like you loved me too. After dating for a little over two years, I knew that I was taking the biggest risk in my life when I knelt down on one knee and asked you to marry me. You may not have noticed, but the moment you said yes, I could have died happily, knowing that my life was finally complete.
You may not have noticed, but when you started hitting me 6 months into our marriage, I was the most depressed I had been. I felt like I truly lost you, and when it continued even after the first year of our marriage, I knew I never really had you. When you were out late into the night, I would watch over our daughter, and see what you once were in her face. It almost drove me nearly insane. Hell, for a period, it did.
The day I woke up and saw a man walking down the stairs with you, the guilty look apparent on your face, I had a lapse of judgment. I told you we could work it out. I told you I could become something so much more. You promised to stay loyal, and I promised to become the best version of myself I could possibly be. The next couple of months, I was finally happy again. You were home when I got off of work, and it really seemed like you were getting closer to our daughter.
I should have known it was all for show. You were just putting on a show, and secretly stashing away money so you could run away. You told me you never loved me, and that you hated our daughter. You may not have noticed, but our daughter was crying in her crib as you ran out the front door and ran into the night.
For the next four days, I took time off of work. I tried being the best father I could be while keeping the house as clean as I could. If you came back, I wanted to make sure that it was the cleanest it could possibly be. The day you finally came back, I couldn’t stay mad at you. It meant you truly loved me. I was ready to forgive you, and the sad look on your face showed me how sorry you truly were. I hugged you, but you never hugged me back.
That night you hung yourself. Right next to our daughter’s crib. I woke up to the sight of our daughter playing with your cold feet. That was kinda fucked up, don’t you think? At least have the decency of doing that shit where our daughter couldn’t see.
You may not have noticed.
You definitely noticed how different our town is from everywhere else.
You noticed it when a couple of people grabbed you from behind the first time you walked into the cafe. You noticed a voice calling out, “Claimed!” It probably didn’t take you long to realize that voice was mine when we went on our first date. The gag over your mouth and the chain around your arms and legs probably made our dates less fun, but I could swear I saw you smile a couple of times. I could see it in your eyes. The day you said you would marry me with tears falling from your eyes and a knife against your throat, that may not have been the ideal proposal you had in mind, but the result was perfect for me. You may not have noticed, but each hit you gave me while pleading me to let you leave, was the reason why I lost my compassion for you. I thought our daughter would help us get closer, but shit, that’s life I guess.
You may have noticed that the police officer that promised to help you escape abused your trust, but hell, like I said, our town is different from the rest of the world. Every time you ran away late at night. There would always be someone there to catch you and return you safely back at our house.
Rest in peace, my dear angel.
I’m getting ready to go to the coffee shop again. I need to work as well as find my third wife.