01 Feb I Get Very Confused Sometimes
The police officer was screaming at me, holding a gun. I wasn’t sure why he was screaming, I get very confused sometimes. From the things he was saying, it was definitely something about a “motherfucker” who wouldn’t “freeze”.
I put two and two together, clearly the motherfucker was me.
Darren grinned at me from the doorway. I hadn’t realized he was there, still. I thought he had gone home. Darren is one of the few people who still talk to me, especially after that whole problem at Stacy’s birthday party. Stacy herself cannot bear to look at me without bursting into laughter. She laughs and laughs. They all do, really. Darren does laugh, but only a little bit, and he’ll still go out with me to get a beer every now and again.
The police officer was quite insistent that I get on my knees. This seemed like a huge inconvenience for me. I had a full day planned and spending time on my knees would have eaten into my busy schedule. I wanted to go to the park, not hang around on my knees with this angry man in a uniform. I didn’t get down on my knees, and just stared at the man.
Darren was losing it a little. This was definitely the funniest thing he had seen in a while, maybe even since Stacy’s party.
Ignoring Darren, the policeman screamed a cuss at me again and I watched his fingers tighten around his gun. I had read somewhere about the phallic symbolism of guns and their place in American culture. I considered mentioning this to try and lighten the mood of the situation, but I thought the man was angry enough already and might take such information as a swipe at his own manhood. Still, keeping this particular topic out of the conversation didn’t seem to cheer him up at all.
It was then that I realized that I was naked. Naked as the day I was born, give or take a few patches of body hair.
That’s right, I realized, as the supermarket doors attempted to close behind me, I’m in a place where that’s not quite allowed. Darren, standing in the side doorway seemed to be done with his little chuckle and was now gnashing his teeth at the policeman. The cop seemed to ignore him completely.
I struggled for something to say.
“Sorry?” I started, not quite sure where the statement would go. It didn’t go anywhere at all. I just stopped talking. This made the policeman angriest of all. He took one step towards me, and that’s where it all went to hell.
Darren pounced upon him, sharpened teeth sinking into exposed flesh. The policeman screamed. I remembered that most people can’t actually see Darren at all, or hear him, but they can absolutely feel him, especially those horribly sharpened teeth. I had made quite the fool of myself at that party at Stacy’s house, and it stood to reason that the only person who would still talk to me was Darren. It was understandable that a man who could not be seen or heard but who lusts for human flesh and blood and eats memories would spend his time with someone like me, who gets confused so much. I feel like I tend to forget why Darren is so terrifying most of the time, but times like this are a good reminder.
That’s why I’m writing this, to remind myself why Darren is my friend.
Reminders are good to have, I get very confused sometimes.