So I was driving by myself on a highway in Maine. Cranking killer tunes, slamming Mountain Dew Big Gulps and sucking back American Spirit Lights. Decided to go hog wild at a Taco Bell drive thru and ordered an enormous amount of food, extra fixin’s.

So I’m devouring the Taco Bell, had a full menu assortment. Live Mas.

Of course about 40 minutes after I ate my stomach begin seizing and cramping. There was to be no refunds, no returns. Luckily I see a Rest stop coming up in about 2 miles. I floor it and pull in.

It’s about 1:30 am and it seems pretty vacant. There’s one other vehicle in the lot, windows steamed up. I assume it’s just another road tripper who had to pull over to rub one out. We’ve all been there. No judgement.

I get out of my car and run into the men’s room. I was holding the bottom of my pants when I ran in because I wasn’t sure I was gonna make it. Finally I’m in the stall and it’s not a good scene.

Figuring I would be in there a while I brought my smokes and a copy of Mad Magazine I always keep in my car for emergencies like this. I’m working on my 4th American Spirit when I hear another person come in.

Footsteps stop. I hear him taking deep breaths. I holler out “hey man, I’d keep those breaths shallow.” No response. I can see dudes feet right in front of the stall. They’re fucking huge. Got to be at least a size 17. Dirty as shit too.

I sit in silence staring at these huge shoes. Sudden ass blasts squeeze out and the sound echoes in the empty restroom. All of a sudden guy starts pounding on the door, then grabbing the top and shaking it.

“I’ll be out in a minute you spazz!!” I screamed.

Then it stops. I hear the footsteps again and then a lot of squeaking. Then footsteps again and the door opening and slamming shut.

Of course there was no toilet paper in the stall and it was not a clean pinch as you can imagine. I had to use my Mad Magazine. Alfred E Newman has never been so disrespected.

I exit the stall and see in marker written on the mirror “C U Outside” and it was signed Nitro.

I’m born and bred in Maine. I’ve met a lot of guys who go by Nitro. Not a one do I want to meet alone at a rest stop in the middle of fucking no where. I’m terrified.

I hatch a plan that I am just gonna go for it. I open the restrooms door and sprint to my car. Not looking back I just run. I hear a shuffle and footsteps behind me.

“Arrrrrrrrggggg!!!” I hear behind me.

I left my car unlocked because it’s a piece of shit and I get right in. I get the car going and do a bit of a burnout and speed off. I see in my rear view mirror the silhouette of a massive man. He threw his hat on the ground and began jumping up and down as I sped down the highway.

No idea what this guys intentions were but this was easily a top 5 scary moment for me and I can’t really bring myself to poop in a public restroom since.